[ he's found a select few individuals attractive before, but it's always been superficial. brief acknowledgment with no further desire behind it. sometimes he feels self-conscious because he isn't as 'excited' about the opposite gender as his teammates seem to be. 'locker room talk' leaves him more annoyed than anything else. his sexuality is seemingly complicated, but he's not really keen on exploring it either. he's far too lazy to make the effort, and in all honestly his own curiosity about it doesn't run that deep.
there have been times when he wants to bring the subject up with kuroo, so he doesn't have to struggle with the confusion on his own. an anxious thought has consistently held him back. what if he did end up being gay? would kuroo be comfortable around him? would their relationship change? he doesn't think he could handle any disapproving looks when doing the ordinary activities they're accustomed to. like sharing a bed. does gay or straight even matter when there's only one sole person he yearns to be embraced by?
shaking the thoughts off he grabs his backpack from off the floor and slings it over his shoulder. he walks to short distance over to his bed and holds his hand out to kuroo. the gesture looks like he's offering to help him up, and in a way he is, but really he's sure his psp lost somewhere in the bed. he needs kuroo's large frame out of the way to find it. ]
[ kuroo can feel that about kenma. he doesn't know exactly what he feels, but he knows it's different for his childhood best friend, and that's okay.
what he wouldn't believe is that kenma would ever think that he'd be uncomfortable around him. that if kenma was gay, it would change things. he'd probably be a little hurt by that, but he'd also try and understand kenma's anxiety over it all. it's not as if kuroo isn't feeling the same kind of anxiety about his more recent discoveries about his own sexuality.
and hey, he really does think that kenma is offering him a hand to get up, so he takes it- he'd take it anyway, because he always would, if kenma is offering. kuroo mostly pulls himself up though, knowing that he'd probably just yank kenma back into bed if it were any other way and that's not his goal here. ]
I can't believe all this time you led me to believe I could carry you, and now all I'll get are bites! Typical kitten.
[ He gets up and stands in front of Kenma, but doesn't actually let go of his hand just yet. ]
[ he should learn to trust more. trust in their friendship — the deep bond they'd formed over the years. but maybe that's why he hesitates. who would he even be without kuroo? in his own way, he does consider his teammates friends, but in the way that he would be okay with going weeks or even months without seeing them. he can't recall going more than a day or two without kuroo since he was seven. kuroo has been so integrated into his life from early on that he's even invited on family vacations.
he rolls his eyes as kuroo basically pulls himself up, but honestly it's probably for the best. obviously, they were being fed different things. freakin' titan that kuroo was.
there's a pause as his hand remains grasped in kuroo's, and he lets himself enjoy it for longer than he probably should. but kuroo could pull away if he wanted. he gives it a tight squeeze before he can think better of it, but slips his hand out quickly after. he busies himself with pulling back his blanket in search of his game. ]
i can't believe that you believed that i would actually let you carry me. typical nerd.
[ finally, he spots the gaming device and happily snatches it up before placing it snuggly in his pocket. ]
if you have to run to make it in time, just leave me behind. i'll get there eventually.
[ kuroo knows that kenma trusts him and that there are still things he could be nervous about. he also know he can't and shouldn't try to solve all of kenma's problems, but if he can ease any of them, he'd like to.
he smiles when kenma squeezes his hand, then goes to grab his bag while kenma searches around for his gaming device.]
I did believe it! I believe the words that come out of your mouth.
[ he grabs kenma's bag from next to his desk as well, holding it out to him. ]
I'm not gonna leave you behind, Kenma. Not now, not ever.
[ he's running a mental checklist, making sure he remembered to pack everything he needed in his bag the night before. there's a soft huff of laughter, rolling his eyes playfully as he shakes his head. he knows damn well kuroo isn't that gullible, but it's a cute sentiment anyway.
the next statement hits him harder, and probably deeper than it's intended to. kuroo somehow managing to unknowingly sooth his deepest fear. it gives him pause, just for a moment, before he gathers himself again. usual indifferent demeanor now intact, he grabs his bag from kuroo's hand. ]
do you plan on climbing back out through the window or would you like to exit through the front door with me?
[ it's only half teasing because he really wouldn't put it passed the older boy to do it purely out of spite. ]
[ whatever kenma might forget, kuroo probably has on hand. over the years he's had his own running checklist, kenma's stuff included.
and hey, today is already a success. he got kenma to laugh. ]
Climbing in through you window happens to be good exercise, you know. Plus, it's more like those movies.
[the romantic ones, where the boy climbs into the girl's window for late night "studying" or whatnot. he leaves the romantic part out, though. kuroo has been climbing in this window for as long as he can remember.]
Guess I'll humor you this time and go out the front door, though.
[ his mind goes to the same movies, the ones that usually end in some big dramatic confession of love. he decides to stuff his game down into the front of his backpack, much in the same way he's stuffing his own feelings down. life isn't a movie, but there's still a smile tugging at the corners of his lips that he can't seem to control. ]
so if i start climbing through your window in return i can take it easier at practice? [ a small pause as he thinks on whether to comment on that last part or not. ] oh, you mean those horror movies about home invasions? yeah, i've always thought it felt like that too.
[ kenma kozume, professional at hiding his own feelings behind biting sarcasm with ease. zipping his pack back up, he straightens, feet guiding him out of his room and towards the front door. ]
don't forget you promised the arcade after school.
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no subject
there have been times when he wants to bring the subject up with kuroo, so he doesn't have to struggle with the confusion on his own. an anxious thought has consistently held him back. what if he did end up being gay? would kuroo be comfortable around him? would their relationship change? he doesn't think he could handle any disapproving looks when doing the ordinary activities they're accustomed to. like sharing a bed. does gay or straight even matter when there's only one sole person he yearns to be embraced by?
shaking the thoughts off he grabs his backpack from off the floor and slings it over his shoulder. he walks to short distance over to his bed and holds his hand out to kuroo. the gesture looks like he's offering to help him up, and in a way he is, but really he's sure his psp lost somewhere in the bed. he needs kuroo's large frame out of the way to find it. ]
no, and if you try it i really will bite you.
no subject
what he wouldn't believe is that kenma would ever think that he'd be uncomfortable around him. that if kenma was gay, it would change things. he'd probably be a little hurt by that, but he'd also try and understand kenma's anxiety over it all. it's not as if kuroo isn't feeling the same kind of anxiety about his more recent discoveries about his own sexuality.
and hey, he really does think that kenma is offering him a hand to get up, so he takes it- he'd take it anyway, because he always would, if kenma is offering. kuroo mostly pulls himself up though, knowing that he'd probably just yank kenma back into bed if it were any other way and that's not his goal here. ]
I can't believe all this time you led me to believe I could carry you, and now all I'll get are bites! Typical kitten.
[ He gets up and stands in front of Kenma, but doesn't actually let go of his hand just yet. ]
no subject
he rolls his eyes as kuroo basically pulls himself up, but honestly it's probably for the best. obviously, they were being fed different things. freakin' titan that kuroo was.
there's a pause as his hand remains grasped in kuroo's, and he lets himself enjoy it for longer than he probably should. but kuroo could pull away if he wanted. he gives it a tight squeeze before he can think better of it, but slips his hand out quickly after. he busies himself with pulling back his blanket in search of his game. ]
i can't believe that you believed that i would actually let you carry me. typical nerd.
if you have to run to make it in time, just leave me behind. i'll get there eventually.
ugh sorry for the delay!
he smiles when kenma squeezes his hand, then goes to grab his bag while kenma searches around for his gaming device.]
I did believe it! I believe the words that come out of your mouth.
[ he grabs kenma's bag from next to his desk as well, holding it out to him. ]
I'm not gonna leave you behind, Kenma. Not now, not ever.
it's cool !
the next statement hits him harder, and probably deeper than it's intended to. kuroo somehow managing to unknowingly sooth his deepest fear. it gives him pause, just for a moment, before he gathers himself again. usual indifferent demeanor now intact, he grabs his bag from kuroo's hand. ]
do you plan on climbing back out through the window or would you like to exit through the front door with me?
[ it's only half teasing because he really wouldn't put it passed the older boy to do it purely out of spite. ]
no subject
and hey, today is already a success. he got kenma to laugh. ]
Climbing in through you window happens to be good exercise, you know. Plus, it's more like those movies.
[the romantic ones, where the boy climbs into the girl's window for late night "studying" or whatnot. he leaves the romantic part out, though. kuroo has been climbing in this window for as long as he can remember.]
Guess I'll humor you this time and go out the front door, though.
no subject
so if i start climbing through your window in return i can take it easier at practice? [ a small pause as he thinks on whether to comment on that last part or not. ] oh, you mean those horror movies about home invasions? yeah, i've always thought it felt like that too.
[ kenma kozume, professional at hiding his own feelings behind biting sarcasm with ease. zipping his pack back up, he straightens, feet guiding him out of his room and towards the front door. ]
don't forget you promised the arcade after school.